Fiqh of love

Excerpted from Al Maghrib Institute’s “Fiqh of Love” seminar with Shaykh Waleed Basyouni.

1. Great relationships don’t just happen; they are created. You have to work at it.
2. If your job takes all of your best energy, your marriage will suffer.
3. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your own happiness.
4. It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time.
5. When you complain about your spouse to your friends, remember that their feedback can be distorted.
6. The only rules in your marriage are those you both choose to agree with.
7. It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that you hold for a long time.
8. It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you have.
9. If you think you are too good for your spouse, think again.
10. Growing up in a happy household doesn’t ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa.
11. It’s never too late to repair damaged trust.
12. The real issue is usually not the one you are arguing about.
13. Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed through our actions.
14. Expectations set us up for disappointment and resentment.
15. Arguments cannot be avoided, but destructive arguments can be avoided.
16. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is focused attention.
17. Even people with happy marriages sometimes worry that they married the wrong person.
18. Your spouse cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you rescue yourself.
19. The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.
20. Your opinion is not necessarily the truth.
21. Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.
22. Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you really want.
23. Don’t neglect your friends.
24. If you think, “You are not the person I married,” you are probably right.
25. Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.
26. Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a good marriage.
27. If your spouse is being defensive, you might be giving them reasons to be like that.
28. Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.
29. You can pay now or pay later, but the later you pay, the more interest and penalties you acquire.
30. Marriage requires sacrifice, but your benefits outweigh your costs.
31. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continous process.
32. Accepting the challenges of marriage will shape you into a better person.
33. Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.
34. A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than with what you’ve experienced in the past.
35. Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.
36. There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.
37. One of the greatest questions to ask your spouse is “How best can I love you?”
38. Marriage can stay fresh over time.
39. Assumptions are fine as long as you check them before acting upon them.
40. Intention may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.
41. Good sex won’t make your marriage, but it’ll help.
42. Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.
43. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.
44. Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.
45. If your spouse thinks something is important, then it is.
46. Marriage never outgrows the need for romance.
47. The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.
48. There is violence in silence when it’s used as a weapon.
49. It’s better to focus on what you can do to make things right, then what your partner did to make things wrong.
50. If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.

Wholly taken from a friends facebook note
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1020139458#!/notes/fadiah-muzaini/50-things-you-need-to-know-about-marital-relationships/287733929998

a change

i'm thinking
of this change that i'm facing
no longer one and only
but at long last
having my one and only

i used to think that i'll be alone
for the longest time
just me alone
work and family
fulfilling days with friends perhaps
and my books definitely
and without a partner in crime

but now i found myself
a man so good hearted
who cares a lot about me
that i cant bear to hurt him
and so i'm no longer alone

so now its 3 weekends away
from our vows of marriage
and i'm wondering if i'm ready
to leave a life of alone
to a life of company
to leave a life of 7 crowd
to a life of peaceful 2

i will miss my room
my mattress, my bronze fan,
my ikea side table, my bookshelf of books
i will miss my travels alone
my zen mp3 accompanying me

i will miss my sisters
their laughters and shouts
our arguments and our hugs

i will miss my brothers
their teasing and craps

i will miss my father
his silence and patience

i will miss my mother
her nags and moodswings

i will miss that all these happen
under one roof within four walls of this house

and i'm moving leaving
no more of my footsteps and my voice

but i'm moving and praying
that i can be as Khadijah r.a
a wife loyal and true
that i can serve my husband
with love and care
sincere and patient
intelligent and dilligent
with all my heart

Lord, please guide me
through this change

holding on to fear

here is me
feeling further
by the minute
terribly far
and lost

scared and unknowing
is this a fate
or is this a test

for who can deny His Will
and would me believing
in this doom fate
be a salvation of faith

i yearn for
a fulfilled heart
a fulfilled soul
a fulfilled mind

please don't let me fall
please don't push me away

Lord,
please let me hold on to You
please let me be amidst Your love
please let me be strong

let me be in this fear
for all i know
its a message of love

right?

a new direction

the taste of ink.

for so long i've wanted a niche for my blog but never quite decided what to do about it.
it was a space for my impromptu and sudden surge of thoughts in amateur poetry.
it was a space for pictures with meaningful reflections although it didnt happen much here.
it was a space for some pseudo serious blogging.
it was a space for collections of quotes and stories i read from other sites and thought it would be useful to have it in one place, thus the purpose of this blog.

and then i knew this will be a space dedicated to my line of work. although it was very much vague how i want it to be with, again, bits and pieces of information.

out of utter boredomness and specks of stressful brain energy, i thought this will be the place where i can actually write on my real experiences of setting up an education centre. for the past year, it had been days and days of laments and self motivation on this career am building but without reflection.

i think it's about time now.

bring in some real energy and excitement to blogging!

potent teaching

potent teaching can more frequently help students achieve moments of inspired learning. to be potent is to be powerful and influential. potent teaching is a complex art that involves more than throwing provocative material at students or exhorting them to rouse to life. a potent teacher will skillfully and gracefully create conditions and stage activities that inspire students to have a sustained and meaningful encounter with a subject, because they can...

tuned in and fired up
sam m. intrator

features of effective departments

1. A collegiate management style
2. A strong vision of the subject translated at classroom level
3. Well organized in terms of assessment, record keeping and homework
4. Good resource management
5. Effective monitoring and evaluation
6. Structured lessons and regular feedback
7. Clear routines and practices in classrooms
8. Syllabus matching the needs and abilities of pupils
9. Strong pupil centred ethos that reward pupils
10. Opportunities for autonomous learning
11. Central focus on teaching and learning


other features:
- the opportunity for colleagues to observe each other teaching
- the existence of a secure scheme of work which allows teachers' creativity
- consistent application of an assessment policy which explained clearly the procedures that all teacher should adopt to support the progress of the pupils
-effective use of accommodation, resources and especially staff


-How to run your department successfully
Chris Turner