saying ok

it is such an understatement. most times when we ask people, are you ok??? and people tend to say 'yeah i'm ok' but deep inside you, you know they are not ok. you know something is troubling them. something is just so wrong. i'm ok has become such a favourite clause, that everytime people said it, you tend to take it for granted, taking it that people are really ok, and live it at that, not wanting to know more. just ok.

i think i want to stop asking 'are you ok'? because people will automatically, sometimes without thinking, and says i'm ok. or sometimes, because they want to conceal their real feelings, what's really bothering them, maybe because they do not want to hurt other people, or spoil the day by talking about what's troubling them. or because it's just not the right time.

and when people say i'm ok, it became a full stop. don't ask anymore, i don't want to talk about it. and ended up keeping them at heart, hurting oneself more, but then, keep talking about it, and you'll be more hurt. so just stop. don't ask.

but then again, i'll be fooling people telling them i'm ok when am definitely not. and i know you know i'm not ok. but why do i say i'm ok??

i don't want to ask, neither do i want to keep quiet about it. i need an honest question, for i want to give an honest answer. it's just me. i always say i'm ok. when i'm not feeling that. i'm ok, just because i don't want to talk about it, just because i'm ashamed, just because it hurts to talk about it. just because it doesn't matter.....but it matters.

life has never been easy. never. we won't value life without its hardships. we had it hard because there is a reason for it. because the Lord knows, only we, are strong enough to get through it. other people might give up and falter. but not us. the hardship has chosen us, not to fail us, but to be touched by Lord, to be the strength to go on and realise a dream. if things were easy, it won't be sweet.

i just want to think of the good things. i have always told myself. don't think of the things that deters me from doing what i want to. because these 'things' simply don't deserve my attention. they just don't.

i want to wake up to another day. smile a real smile. and say today is going to be a good one. i love me. i love what i'm doing. i have all these people around me who do care. i will not disappoint them.